Q: Is this a real assessment platform or some kind of elaborate prank?
A: Yes, it’s a real platform. No, it’s not a prank. Though after taking the assessment, you might wish it were.Q: Why can’t I just submit my GitHub profile instead?
A: Because your GitHub profile doesn’t show us how you handle a midlife crisis sports car algorithm or debug quantum coffee machines.Q: Do I need to know all 168 programming languages?
A: Only if you want to suffer in maximum variety. Pick one and commit to your doom.Q: What if I’ve never coded before but I have a computer science degree?
A: Perfect! You’re exactly who we’re looking for. Theoretical knowledge meets practical chaos.Q: Can I use Stack Overflow during the assessment?
A: Sure, go ahead and search for “how to manage dinosaur emotions in reverse gravity.” Let us know how that works out.Q: Is there a practice mode?
A: Life is practice mode. This is the real thing.Q: Why are the questions so weird?
A: Because debugging a missing semicolon for 6 hours isn’t weird at all, right?Q: Can I work with a partner?
A: Only if your partner is a rubber duck. They’re surprisingly good at this.Q: How long should each answer be?
A: Shorter is better. Novel-length explanations suggest you don’t understand the problem.Q: What if I don’t finish all three questions?
A: Then you’ll have successfully demonstrated project management skills - knowing when to quit.
Q: Which IDE should I use?
A: The one that won’t judge you for your variable names. Spoiler: they all will.Q: Can I use AI to help me?
A: Go ahead. Watch ChatGPT have an existential crisis trying to interpret our questions.Q: Do you support mobile development?
A: We support emotional development. Mobile is just bonus points.Q: What about frameworks?
A: React, Vue, Angular, jQuery - they’re all just fancy ways to hide your JavaScript shame.Q: Is functional programming better than object-oriented?
A: Both are equally capable of making you question your career choices.Q: Should I comment my code?
A: Only if you want future you to understand what current you was thinking. Hint: you won’t.Q: What’s the difference between = and ==?
A: About 3 hours of debugging and one nervous breakdown.Q: How do I handle edge cases?
A: The same way you handle regular cases, but with more crying.Q: What if my code doesn’t compile?
A: Welcome to software development. Population: everyone.Q: Should I optimize for performance?
A: Optimize for your sanity first. Performance is just a nice-to-have.
Q: When do I get my results?
A: When three AI personalities finish roasting your code. Usually within minutes.Q: Can I retake the assessment?
A: Depends on how masochistic your potential employer is feeling.Q: What if I panic during the assessment?
A: That’s not a bug, it’s a feature. Panic is how we measure authentic developer experience.Q: Can I pause the assessment?
A: Yes, but the existential dread doesn’t pause with it.Q: What if I submit accidentally?
A: Then you’ve successfully simulated the experience of pushing to production on Friday afternoon.Q: Do I need to dress up for this?
A: It’s a coding assessment, not a wedding. Pajamas are encouraged.Q: Can I take this assessment while drunk?
A: We can’t stop you, but the AI reviewers might be able to tell.Q: What if I have a brilliant insight at 3 AM?
A: Write it down. Most 3 AM insights are just sleep-deprived hallucinations.Q: Should I explain my thought process?
A: Only if you can explain it to yourself first.Q: What if I hate all the questions?
A: Then you’re in the right place. Self-loathing is a core developer skill.
Q: Why do you charge $39 per assessment?
A: Because traumatizing candidates with quality entertainment costs money.Q: Can we customize the questions?
A: No, but you can customize your expectations. Lower them significantly.Q: How do we integrate this with our ATS?
A: Webhooks. If your ATS doesn’t support webhooks, get a new ATS.Q: What if a candidate complains about the difficulty?
A: Show them the door. You don’t want someone who can’t handle fictional chaos managing real systems.Q: Can we see the questions before sending to candidates?
A: You can browse them, but knowing what’s coming won’t help. Nothing can prepare you.Q: How do we know if someone cheated?
A: Trust us, if they could cheat on these questions, we’d hire them ourselves.Q: What’s your refund policy?
A: All sales are final, like regret and technical debt.Q: Do you offer enterprise pricing?
A: Enterprise pricing is for enterprises that need enterprise features. You need simpler features.Q: Can we white-label this?
A: Why would you want to take credit for this beautiful chaos?Q: How do we explain this to our legal department?
A: Very carefully, with lawyers present and liability insurance ready.
Q: Will this assessment help me get a job?
A: It will definitely give you something to talk about in interviews.Q: I’m a senior developer with 15 years experience. Should I be worried?
A: Yes, but not for the reasons you think.Q: What if I fail spectacularly?
A: Then you’ll have joined a proud tradition of developers before you.Q: Is imposter syndrome normal?
A: Imposter syndrome is the only rational response to being a programmer.Q: Should I put this on my resume?
A: Only if you want to explain it in every interview for the rest of your career.Q: What if I actually enjoy these questions?
A: Seek professional help. Or consider a career in dev rel.Q: Will this make me a better programmer?
A: It will make you a more confused programmer. Close enough.Q: Should I practice algorithms first?
A: Algorithms won’t help you here. Therapy might.Q: What if I discover I actually hate programming?
A: Welcome to the club. Meetings are every day at your keyboard.Q: Is it normal to cry during technical assessments?
A: Crying is just debugging for emotions.
Q: What’s the best programming language?
A: The one that makes you suffer the least. So far, no such language exists.Q: Should I use tabs or spaces?
A: Use whatever causes fewer wars in your team’s Slack channels.Q: What’s the difference between frontend and backend?
A: Frontend is where users blame you for everything. Backend is where other developers blame you for everything.Q: Is full-stack development a real thing?
A: It’s as real as unicorns and bug-free code.Q: What’s the hardest part of programming?
A: Naming variables. Everything else is just syntax.Q: Why do developers love dark mode?
A: Because it matches their souls.Q: What’s the point of unit tests?
A: To give you false confidence before everything breaks in production.Q: Should I learn machine learning?
A: Learn it so you can be replaced by it more efficiently.Q: What’s the difference between a bug and a feature?
A: Documentation and confidence in your voice when explaining it.Q: Why do tech companies have so many meetings?
A: To prevent actual work from happening. It’s a safety feature.
Q: What happens to my data?
A: It gets judged by AI personalities with questionable moral standards.Q: Is this platform secure?
A: As secure as any system built by developers who debug in production.Q: Do you use cookies?
A: Only the kind that track your existential crisis progression.Q: What’s your uptime?
A: Higher than our users’ morale after taking the assessment.Q: Do you have a mobile app?
A: Why would you want to suffer on a smaller screen?Q: Can I delete my submission?
A: You can delete the submission, but not the memories.Q: What browsers do you support?
A: Any browser capable of displaying bad decisions in real-time.Q: Do you have dark mode?
A: Everything is dark mode when you’re questioning your life choices.Q: What about accessibility?
A: We’re equally inaccessible to everyone.Q: Do you support internationalization?
A: Suffering is universal. No translation needed.
Q: Who came up with these questions?
A: People who have seen too much production code and lost their innocence.Q: Why does this FAQ exist?
A: Because apparently people ask these questions seriously.Q: Is there customer support?
A: Yes, but they’re as confused as you are.Q: Can I suggest new questions?
A: You can suggest them. We can’t promise they won’t traumatize future candidates.Q: What’s your company culture like?
A: We believe in psychological safety through shared trauma.Q: Are you hiring?
A: Only people who can survive their own assessment platform.Q: What’s the meaning of life?
A: 42, but in hex. Figure it out yourself.Q: Why did you build this?
A: Someone had to. It might as well be us.Q: Is there a sequel planned?
A: ErrorGolf 2: Electric Boogaloo is in development. Featuring quantum debugging.Q: Any final advice?
A: Remember, it’s just code. The worst that can happen is catastrophic system failure and public humiliation.
